People are less inclined to look down their noses at vegetarians than once was the case, but there are still social challenged to living a meatless lifestyle. Some people will believe that you’re making an in-your-face political choice and have a negative reaction for no good reason. A lot of people will wonder if you’ve gone all hippy-dippy, patchouli-scented goofball on them, and treat with condescension and scorn. Even the most supportive of friends will misunderstand what "vegetarian" means and offer you fish or eggs without ever asking you for the particulars of your diet. And you’re going to have to take this all with good humor and flexibility. The level of acceptance you find depends, of course, on where you live, where you work, and what sort of people you hang out with. But even in the most accepting of environments, you’re going to have challenges.
Explaining yourself, even though you shouldn’t have to
As we’ve discussed, you’ll need a supply of quick, polite answers to handle the questions people will have about your diet. Don’t get cranky – sure, they’re nosy, but isn’t it nice that they want to know more about vegetarianism? If you already know what to say, it’ll be easy to give them an answer without turning the conversation into a lengthy debate. Some of the most common questions you’ll field are the same ones you had when you first started out – except now you know the answers:
Why are you a vegetarian?If you don’t eat meat, how do you get enough protein?Can you eat chicken? How about fish?Is this some sort of a religious thing?Is it hard to never eat meat?Why do you wear leather shoes if you won’t eat animals?Isn’t vegetarian food boring?Can you eat at McDonald’s?
If you already know the answers, you won’t mind the questions so much!
Dining gracefully with meat-eaters
Dinner parties – both attending them and hosting them – can be problematic for people on special diets. If you’re the host, you can make sure that you have a tempting variety of delicious foods, dazzling your guests with such tasty choices that they’d be foolish to miss the meat. But what if you’re the guest?
Often, even if your hosts know that you’re vegetarian, they may not know how to feed you. They may think that by serving grilled salmon instead of meat loaf they’re offering a vegetarian-friendly entree. Or you may end up in a situation where your hosts simply have no idea of what your needs are.
In those cases, you need to make the best of things. Etiquette is, fundamentally, about behaving well under challenging circumstances. If all there is on the table that you can eat is bread and salad, do so – and, if you’re questioned, smile and say that they’re so delicious that you’re happy to enjoy them. Even if it’s disappointing, remember that’s it’s just for one meal – chat with your tablemates, enjoy the company and have a good time anyway!
If there’s absolutely nothing on the menu that you can eat, or your hostess sits a plate of animal food in front of you, do what children do – squish things around and mess up your plate. Hide the meat under some lettuce, and leave some empty space so it looks like you ate something. If the conversation is compelling, most people won’t notice how much you did, or didn’t, eat.
Whatever happens, don’t make an issue of your diet. To be blunt, no one is really interested in what you can’t eat, and it’s considered rude to draw all of the conversation to yourself in such a manner anyway. If someone asks, tell them you’re vegetarian and steer the conversation to something else.
If you’re headed to a big social event like a wedding or a family dinner, and you think there might be challenges finding something to eat, then eat a light meal before you leave the house. Even under the worst circumstances there will be something for you to snack on, but you won’t be suffering from hunger pangs throughout the evening.
Being a great, meat-free hostess
Part of being a terrific host is anticipating your guests’ needs. Think about how you’d like to be treated when you go to dinner at a friend’s home – how about offering the same courtesy to them? When you invite guests to dinner, ask them if they have special dietary needs, or if there’s anything they absolutely hate. You’ll be surprised at what people have to say – some are allergic to bell peppers, or peanuts, or dairy. If you accommodate their needs that same way you’d like yours accommodated in a similar situation, you can make them feel extra welcome in your home.
One sure way to make everyone happy is to serve a variety of different dishes buffet style, allowing guests to fill their plates only with what they want. It helps them to feel comfortable if they don’t want to eat something – no one will be looking at their plate and wondering why there’s still food there – and it’ll save you the effort of serving, so you have more time to enjoy your guests.
Only serve meat if you genuinely feel comfortable doing so. Some people will cook a chicken or fish dish for guests, but not partake of it themselves. If you’re happy doing this, then go ahead. But if you aren’t, then make them the best vegetarian meal they’ve ever tasted, and show them how delicious eating meat-free can be!
Meat and the vegetarian single
If you’re single and dating, you’ve probably already figured out that it’s a special sort of challenge. Do you date people who eat meat? Or are you only interested in dating other vegetarians?
Vegetarian singles who choose to date those who aren’t vegetarian or vegan diet may find themselves at a disadvantage. Many vegetarians can’t stand to watch people eat meat , and going out to dinner with a potential romantic partner who’s chewing on a big, rare steak is a disaster waiting to happen. Dating meat-eaters can be stressful for vegetarians – after all, you may find yourself repulsed at the thought of kissing someone who just ate a cheeseburger!
On the other hand, you may not have any problem dating omnivores. If you’re vegetarian strictly for health reasons, it may not bother you that your partner’s eating meat. If you’re vegetarian for moral reasons, however, you’re going to have a hard time dating people who indulge in a practice that you find unethical.
It’s no wonder that vegetarians often choose to only date other vegetarians. But that in itself brings its own set of drawbacks. For one thing, you’re seriously limiting your dating pool. For another, what if they’re a different sort of vegetarians than you are? To a vegan, even dating an ovo lacto can have its problems.
If you do want to date other vegetarians, you’ll have better luck if you live in a large metropolitan area. Many vegetarian societies have local groups that meet in larger towns and cities. Many of these groups have pot luck get-togethers and outdoor events. There are also dating services just for vegetarians, as well as animal rights or animal welfare groups, and vegetarian cooking classes – all great places to meet vegetarian singles.
And don;t rule out Internet dating. The number of people gravitating toward dating online grows all the time, and it’s much more acceptable to meet potential mates this way than ever before. Sign up with a site that caters exclusively to vegetarian dating and, while you may not find as many member sin the more all-inclusive services, you’ll know from the start that you’re meeting like-minded singles.
Vegetarianism at work
If you’ve ever been on a weight-loss diet, you know what a royal pain co-workers can be. There’s a strange sort of hive-mind mentality that happens in the workplace, where people simply can’t accept that you don’t want a piece of birthday cake or a piece of that giant submarine sandwich. Sometimes it’s like being back in grade school – the peer pressure can be annoying, and it can sabotage your diet!
Vegetarians face a similar problem, especially if they’re the only meat-free eaters in their office. Sadly, it’s human nature for people to feel threatened by any change in the status quo, and your becoming a vegetarian may cause people to become antagonistic, or to try and sway you to give up your commitment to a meat-free lifestyle.
Even if you’re polite and don’t make a big deal out of your vegetarianism, it will most likely become an issue. "Come on ... just have one slice," they’ll say when the pepperoni pizza is set out. "What are you now, some kind of hippy?" they’ll ask. Usually they don’t even know they’re being rude and hostile – it will usually be presented in a joking manner. But it will be hard for you to stay cheerful if you find yourself continually under attack.
The best you can do is to smile, say, "no, thank you" in a calm voice, and change the subject. You may have to walk away if they won’t drop it. But if the subject keeps coming up, perhaps you can use the situation top you advantage instead of becoming frustrated and angry. When they hit you with the usual jibes, come back with a clever response:
"I think tofu’s disgusting." "And eating a cow’s liver isn’t?"
"It’s okay to eat animals, because humans are smarter." "So does that mean it’s okay to eat stupid people?"
"I’ll bet one really great cheeseburger would change your mind." "And I’ll bet one trip to a slaughterhouse would change yours!"
"If you don’t eat meat, why do you wear leather shoes?" "Why – are shoes made from meat?"
In any case, showing a good sense of humor and not letting yourself be antagonized is the key. That applies to business functions like dinners with clients and conferences with catered lunches.
If you’re dining in a restaurant, all of the usual etiquette applies – eat what you can, or politely ask for something else. If you’re stuck at a business function, however, and there’s absolutely nothing to eat, share your vegetarianism with your boss or the person who plans your company’s events. Once they start adding a vegetarian option to the fare at business meetings and other events, you’ll find that you’re not the only employee who enjoys that option – and pretty soon you’ll find that there’s always something for to eat at work.
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