Being new to vegetarianism, it’s more than likely that you’re the only person in your household going meatless. Whether you live with a partner, your parents, your children or roommates, sticking to your guns when everyone else is chowing down on meat loaf or cheeseburgers can be difficult. Even if they’re supportive of your decision, you’ll have to deal with them not understanding all the ins and outs of your new lifestyle – and if they’re not supportive, you may find them ridiculing your food choices or even actively trying to sabotage you.
The first thing you need to accept is that it’s not your job to make them change to suit your way of eating, any more than it’s theirs to turn you back into a meat-eater. If they want to change, that’s great – you can share this book with them and you can all work on menu-planning together! But the best way you can influence others in your household to adopt healthier habits is to be a good example – and not turning them off by lecturing them!
Meal time at an omnivorous dinner table
What’s the best way to deal with vegetarian needs when the rest of the family expects meat and potatoes for dinner? Should you just partake of the same meal as the others, only skipping the meat? Or should you make it clear that you have special needs, and eat a separate meal from everyone else? If you’re the primary cook in your family, you may not want to prepare multiple entrees every night – and you might not want to cook a meat-based dish for others when you’ve given it up yourself. And if you’re not the family chef, is it fair to ask them to go to extra effort for you, night after night?
Only you know the dynamic in your home, so only you can figure out the answers to these questions. One thing is certain, however – you need to sit down and talk to the people you live with about your dietary needs and figure out the most agreeable way to make it work for everyone. If you can’t stand to have meat around you at all, this is a huge issue. You may have to ask the others in your home to cook meat outside on a grill, and dedicate a special section of the refrigerator to meat storage, asking that it’s wrapped in such a way that you don’t have to look at it. If your feelings aren’t that strong, you may simply want to negotiate who cooks what, and when – perhaps you can arrange to cook completely vegetarian meals for everyone three nights a week, and prepare your own entrée on the other nights. It all comes down to what your needs are, and the compromises you and your family are willing to make.
What about the children?
A little patience and negotiation can overcome issues between a meat-eater and a vegetarian, but what if you have children? It’s a little like a “mixed marriage” where you have to decide in which religion you’ll raise your children! Few areas can lead to disharmony in a relationship faster than disagreements on how to bring up the kids, so sit down and negotiate this one with your partner before you go any further.
Raising your child to be vegetarian is certainly a healthful option – kids benefit from going meatless just like adults – and we’ll discuss the how-to of that in Chapter 16. The most important thing right now is to figure out how you’ll handle meals at home with your kids. Some families eat nothing but meatless meals at home, but allow the children to eat meat at school and at their friends’ houses. Others create meals that offer options for everyone in the family, so that the omnivores and the vegetarians can choose whatever they like.
On the other hand, you may feel so strongly that your children become vegetarians that there may be no room for compromise. You’ll need to lay this out for your partner in a kind, non-confrontational way and, even if you do, it may lead to conflict. It may seem like it’s “just food,” but it’s an important issue – if you can’t easily negotiate the issue, there’s no shame in working it out with a family counselor. Remember, though, that no matter what their age, people like to eat good food – so if you put together tasty, attractive menus full of flavor, color and a variety of textures, you’ll find that the kids and adults are more willing to try vegetarian meals.
Going your own way – and letting them go theirs
If you’re the main cook in the family, cooking multiple entrees for family dinners can be a huge pain. It’s a lot of extra work, but it’s also the easiest solution to making sure you get something to eat while keeping everyone happy. And it’s also, you’ll be surprised to learn, the best way to sway others to your side.
Look at it this way – your omnivorous tablemates can enjoy the meat-based portion of the meal while you eat your vegetarian option, and all of you share the (meatless) side dishes. Of course, your vegetarian food is going to look so good and smell so delicious, they’ll want to try your food, too. So the next time, you just make the vegetarian dish, and chances are they’ll never miss the meat-based dish! Pretty soon, you’ll be making vegetarian meals almost every day of the week … mission accomplished.
You can also make your meal out of all of the non-meat dishes on the table which, if you plan well, should be enough to fill up your plate and your belly. Steamed vegetables, roasted red potatoes, a salad and a whole wheat roll is a fine meal – let the others have the pork chops, because you’ve got plenty to eat. This is a good approach when you find yourself at a Thanksgiving dinner, office party or dinner at a friend’s house and you can’t dictate the menu – just eat what you can, without making a big deal out of your vegetarian lifestyle.
You and me against the world
Right now, as you start your new meat-free life, you can decide what sort of a vegetarian you’re going to be. And the best way to decide that is to think about all of the people you’ve known in your life who have tried to convert you to their personal way of living.We all know the type. The two-pack-a-day smoker who gives up cigarettes and then lectures everyone within earshot on the dangers of second-hand smoke. The born-again Christian who drops the Lord’s name into every conversation and acts as a self-proclaimed expert on morality. The former boozehound that takes the 12 Steps so seriously that you can’t even swallow an antihistamine in their presence without getting an earful about addiction.
And you know what? We really, really don’t like those people. So don’t become one!
You’ve made an important life choice that’s going to improve most areas of your life, most notably your health. And it will be tempting to loudly proclaim to everyone around you about how great vegetarianism is – after all, you’ve made positive changes that would benefit everyone, right? The problem is, most people are turned off by in-your-face proselytizing, and you’ll do more to drive them away from the idea of meatless eating than you will to convert them. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be honest about your choices – but badgering your friends and family takes it a step too far.
Some of the most influential people in the world have been those who quietly live their lives by their own principles, inspiring others to choose similar paths as they lead by example. Others will ask questions about your vegetarianism, and you should definitely be prepared to answer those questions. But if you find yourself continually battling with other people, arguing with them about your choices and creating bad feelings, then you need to take a good, hard look at how you’re getting across your message.
The big “why”
Your co-workers, your family, your friends, and even people you meet socially will have questions about your vegetarianism. The question are wide ranging, but they’re probably all the same questions that you had when you first started this journey:
“How do you get enough protein if you don’t eat meat?”
“What do you eat?”
“Do you eat chicken? (or fish, or eggs &hellip”
“Don’t you miss meat?”
“Can you still have dessert?”
“Why do you wear leather shoes?”
“Why can’t you drink milk?”
… and on, and on, and on. The best way to deal with these questions is to have a simple, honest answer ready. You’re not required to go into detail about every aspect of your diet , and it’s best if you don’t – unless someone is really, really curious about those details. Don’t try to sell them on vegetarianism. Just answer the questions, smile and move on.
There’s an old show business axiom that goes, “always leave ‘em wanting more.” When people ask you about your vegetarianism, they’re curious about what’s so great about it. The happier and more secure – and non-judgmental about their eating – that you are, the more they’ll suspect that there’s something valuable in it. Your answers will make them want to find out more, so they’ll seek out more information. You may even be the one they come to, looking for advice.
In essence, you’re an ambassador for vegetarianism. You know how superior your new lifestyle is, but that doesn’t mean you have to act superior. If you have a positive, happy, low-key attitude towards your food choices, that will affect the way that people see not just you, but vegetarianism, too.
Treading gently on the earth and on other people’s feelings
You’ll have countless experiences in the coming years where you’re surrounded by people eating meat, and where maintaining a meatless lifestyle is a challenge. You may be on a road trip with friends, and the only place to eat is a fast-food burger joint. Or a family picnic turns out to be a non-stop barbecue with the main fare consisting of burgers, hot dogs and ribs. In these situations, your only option is to find whatever you can to eat – a glass of apple juice or diet soda, a handful of potato chips, some cole slaw – and make the best of the situation.
This won’t happen very often, because vegetarians really do have a wide range of food choices, but when it does it’s up to you to behave with dignity. Eat what you can, and show how adaptable you are. This will not only show them what a charming, adult, and flexible person you are, it’ll also give them a good impression of vegetarianism as a whole – remember, most meat-eaters fear that switching to a meatless lifestyle will be boring and difficult! By showing them that it’s not, you’re soft-selling vegetarianism.
If you’re going to be dining out with a mixed group of vegetarians and non-vegetarians, do what you can to get everyone to agree on a restaurant that has plenty of vegetarian options. If these are family members or close friends (as opposed to, say, a business function) you can even ask politely if everyone would be okay with eating somewhere that has menu items for vegetarians – it’s likely that they’ll accommodate you with a minimum of grumbling.
If you’re vegan, the challenge will be even greater, and you’ll find that you have to be the most adaptable vegetarians of all. While most restaurants today plan their menus with an eye towards offering vegetarian options, few offer much – if anything – for vegans. You’ll find that you have to “make do” when dining out, especially with a mixed group that includes non-vegetarians. But the important thing is to do it with grace, not drawing undue attention to your special dietary needs.
In fact, some vegetarians make special allowances for times that they have absolutely no control over the food that’s available and will eat foods made with eggs or dairy. This way, they can socialize with non-vegans without going hungry or risking negative interactions because of their dietary restrictions. It’s not the ideal way to live as a vegan, of course, but we live in an imperfect world – the most important thing is to stay true to your principles as much as you realistically can, and inspire others to see vegetarianism as a positive, flexible lifestyle. Remember, the more attractive you make it look, the more likely it is that they’ll want to try it themselves!
Allow yourself the time to healthy
Hopefully, you haven’t been overwhelmed by all the information you’ve read thus far. It’s a lot to digest (so to speak) about nutrition. It’s important to have a basic grasp of what your body needs to function properly, but it’s also important to remember that if you eat a variety of whole foods each day then you’re undoubtedly getting enough nutrients. Feeling confident that you’re eating well as a vegetarian will be give you strength to deal with non-vegetarians who don’t understand what your choice is all about – or, even worse, have a head full of misinformation that they’re so convinced is the truth, they’ll argue with you.
The first line of psychological defense in a world of carnivores is this one thought – vegetarian diets are not lacking in essential nutrients any more than non-vegetarian diets. Which isn’t to say that all vegetarians eat well. Just like omnivores, some vegetarians have absolutely horrible diets. And the culprit in both cases is usually the same thing – junk food.
By switching to a vegetarian lifestyle, you’ve become much more thoughtful about what you eat. But that doesn’t mean you’re immune to the siren call of junk food – chocolate chip cookies, salty chips, soft drinks, etc. Even if you shop primarily at a natural foods store, you’ll find the aisles are lined with convenience foods and snacks – there are even cookies, chips, etc. marketed to vegans! It’s natural to want a treat every now and then, or to fall back on an easy prepackaged foods when we’re short on time. The problem is when you find that commercially prepared foods are equally or outnumbering the meals that you make from scratch.
It’s easy to do. Our lives are all busy, and we have so much that we have to manage – family responsibilities, jobs, social obligations. Usually we place our own needs at the bottom of our list of priorities. Often, we feel selfish about taking time out for ourselves when we have so much to do, and so many places we need to be. Meals get short shrift because we just can’t be bothered to chop and slice and simmer and bake. If you’re not a naturally talented chef, you may not get pleasure out of cooking, and you just want to get it on the table so you can eat and get back to other things on your list.
Keep in mind that one of the reasons that you’ve chosen a new way of eating is to have more control over what you put into your body. Processed “health foods” from commercial vendors still contain salt, sugar and fat, and when you rely on them you’re losing a lot of control over what you eat. You also may find yourself buying foods based entirely on how good they taste rather than how healthy they are.
Tracking your success
It’s possible to lose track of what you’re eating, especially if you’re very busy. If you think that you may be relying too much on processed foods, carry a small notebook with you and make it your food diary for a week. Write down everything you eat, when you ate it, and how much. At the end of the week you’ll have a good idea of where your “danger areas” are, which less-healthy foods you’re eating too much of, and even what times of the day you reach for snacks. It’s good information to have, and can help you change some potentially self-sabotaging habits.
Meanwhile, help yourself out by planning ahead. We’ll talk about stocking your kitchen and planning meals in Chapter 11, but for now think about ways that you can streamline the system for cooking at home. Pre-packaged salads, fruits and vegetables are more expensive than those you buy in the produce section and prep yourself, but if you find yourself skipping these important foods – in the lunch that you bring to work, for example – because of the time it takes to prepare them, consider trading the extra money they cost for the time you’ll save. Another solution is to take a little time when you grocery shop to wash and cut up a variety of fruits and vegetables as soon as you bring them home, and store them in airtight plastic containers and Ziploc bags so they’re ready to go when you need them. Some companies make small “snack size” bags that are perfect for cut-up carrots, celery and fruit, so you can just grab a bag of snacks to take with you whenever you leave the house (and if you’re concerned about adding plastic to the landfill, you can always rinse them out and reuse them later).
Of course, you’re going to want cookies or cake or chips every once in awhile. You’re only human! It’s also possible to eat healthy by incorporating frozen vegetarian meals, vegan snack bars and vegetarian “cup of soup” type items into your diet. But if you look at your cupboards and see a preponderance of sweet treats, salty snacks and instant meals, it’s time to take a step back and reassess how much of your diet is made up of whole foods and how much is junk.
Hide and seek – identifying hidden animal products
So you’ve stopped eating meat, and you’re feeling good about being a vegetarian. You know that you’ve chosen an ethical, thoughtful, healthy way of life, and you’ve mastered the art of meatless eating. But are you really eliminating all animal products from your diet?
Many, many commercially produced foods contain ingredients from animal sources. Some of these ingredients can be produced from plant sources, but unless a manufacturer specifies the source on the label, you have no way of knowing if its origins are animal. Often, these are additives that are derived from eggs or dairy products, making them acceptable to ovo lacto vegetarians. But if you’re vegan, you have to be especially careful about reading labels – animal products can be found in the most unlikely of places.
Albumin is the protein in eggs – specifically, egg whites. It’s often used as a thickeneing agent.
Anchovies, those tiny, salty fish that you pick off your pizza, are an ingredient in Caesar salad dressing and Worcestershire sauce.
Animal fats like butter, lard and suet are used to make packaged crackers and cookies, as well as frozen pie crusts, refried beans and flour tortillas.
Casein, also listed as caseinate, is a milk protein added to cheese products and can even be found in some soy cheese.
Gelatin, used to thicken processed foods, is usually of animal origin, the product from boiling down bones and cartilage. It’s found in gelatin desserts, yogurt, candies and sugar-coated cereals.
Glucose and dextrose, both simple sugars, can be derived from fruit but often comes from animal tissues and fluids. It’s an ingredient in many soft drinks, baked goods, candies and commercial frostings.
Glycerides – listed as monoglycerides, diglycerides or triglycerides, can be derived from either animal fats or from plant sources. They’re found in a staggering number of products, from processed foods and cosmetics to hand lotion, ink, glue and antifreeze.
Isinglass, a gelatin made from the air bladders of freshwater fish, is used as a clarifying agent in some gelatin-based desserts and alcoholic beverages.
Lactic acid is a milk-based bacteria used in cheese, yogurt, candies, jams and jellies, frozen treats and processed vegetables like pickles, olives and sauerkraut.
Lactose, sometimes listed as D-lactose or saccharum lactin, is the sugar forund in milk. It’s used as a sweetener in candies, over-the-counter medications, laxatives and baby formula, and as a culture medium in yogurts and sour cream.
Lanolin is the fat in sheep’s wool, and it’s present in a wide range of cosmetics and lotions, as well as chewing gum and fabric treatments.
Lecithin, a necessary nutrient, is derived from both plant and animal sources, but is most often derived from egg yolks. You’ll see it in many products, including processed breakfast foods, margarine, baked goods, vegetable oil sprays and chocolate.
Lutein, a yellow coloring agent, is made from either plant sources (marigolds) or animal sources (egg yolks) and is used to color a wide range of foods.Oleinic acid, derived from sheep and cattle fat, is used in butter substitutes, cheese, vegetable oils, baked goods, candies, ice cream and beverages, as well as cosmetics and soap.
Pepsin, an enzyme from pig’s stomachs, is used to make cheese.
Stearic acid, also listed as octadecanoic acid, is derived from animal fat, and is found in countless processed foods including baked goods, chewing gum, beverages, artificial vanilla flavoring, cosmetics and the outer coating of pills.
Tallow, the waxy solid fat from sheep and cattle, is an ingredient in waxed paper, soap, margarine, crayons and candles.
Vitamin A, also listed as retinol, can be derived from plant sources or from cod liver oil or egg yolks, and is used to fortify foods as well as being old as a supplement on its own. It’s also sometimes found in cosmetics.
Vitamin B12, another popular supplement, can be made from animal sources or synthesized. The synthetic version is vegan – look for “cobalymin” on the label.
Vitamin D comes in several forms, and is used as a fortifying supplement, and it appears in different forms. Vitamin D2, also listed as ergocalciferol, is derived from plant sources or yeast; Vitamin D3, also identified as cholecalciferol, is made from cod liver oil or lanolin.
Whey, the liquid that’s separated from milk solids when making cheese, can be found in many processed foods, especially baked goods.
Marching to your own drummer
You’ll soon find, as you identify yourself to others as vegetarian, that there’s a schoolyard-like rivalry among the meatless. Many vegans become stridently political about their lifestyle, and look down their noses at ovo lacto vegetarians, disapproving of their use of dairy and eggs, and recoiling at the thought of their leather shoes. Avid ovo lactos feel superior to semi-vegetarians who eat fish or chicken, and think they aren’t “serious” enough about vegetarianism.
It’s all very petty, and being judgmental doesn’t do anyone any good. Really, how you choose to eat is a very personal decision, and so is everyone else’s. You’re taking the time to learn about nutrition and vegetarian styles and figuring out what works for you – don’t let anyone bully you into feeling like you’re “not vegetarian enough.” As you go along your vegetarian journey, you may find you want to become vegan, or semi-vegan, or whatever the next step is. Your diet with evolve as you go, depending on your needs.
As a vegetarian, whatever stripe you are, you’re going to be in the minority. Nitpicking over which sub-category is “better” is silly. Take pride in your specialness – after all, unlike most omnivores you’ve put a lot of thought into this! You don’t have to justify your choice to anyone. Be proud of yourself for deciding to feed yourself in a way that’s healthier, more ethical, and more socially responsible. Being different doesn’t mean you’re a freak. You’re smart! You’ve proven yourself to be someone who thinks about how their choices affect their body and the rest of the world. Stand tall!
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